Challenge accepted and now…challenge completed.
Got a date via a friend of a friend. Blind date. Not my fave but a challenge had to be met and so I met it.
Today didn’t start off well. It’s Monday. It’s gloomy. And I’m full of anxiety as my family is visiting and STAYING WITH ME in my dinky apartment. Let’s just say nobody is more excited for Sunday to arrive than I am.
Ugh. But onwards. I awoke full of anxiety for the impending visit and for the date tonight. Dread was a good word. Annoyed. Also not wanting to bother with it as my hopes were not of the highest caliber.
Keep an open mind, you say? You never know, you say?
Yah yah but how about you go out with randoms you don’t know and aren’t the least bit attracted to? Yah. Shut the fuck up.
So shall we say expectations were super low? Yah. They were. I’ll spare some of the more little details (although that is what I specialize in). Basically we’ve been emailing about meeting up. His first email to me was quite formal but nice. That gut feeling was creeping up on me but I kept thinking…challenge! Was going to get coffee but that somehow became Sunday brunch to which I ixnayed IMMEDIATELY. My reason? A meal with someone I do not know is not something I want to be trapped into. AKA a meal is too much of a commitment. My pal said it wasn’t too bad plus there’s booze. No. It IS a commitment and in NYC where Sunday brunches are a phenomenon…FUCK. NO. I want it quick, simple and I want out if I need it. Since coffee was out, I introduced happy hour. Bingo and we’re on.
Fella was pretty nice about things. He researched and found a joint in my hood so I got there in literally a hop, skip and jump. Well maybe a few hops, skips and jumps. Point for him. But I’m not so easily won.
Got home from work and had some time to kill. I loosened up my hair – literally let it fall down and cleaned up the face a little. I don’t want to hear bitching that this girl didn’t try. Sat down and text bitched to some pals while watching “Ellen”, a show that always makes ma a bit happier about the world. I needed some happy cuz I was kinda pissy.
Time to go and so I hopped, skipped and jumped over. He was in front (as a good date should be). A bit awkward but I gave him a quick hug and said hello. First impression. Nicer looking than anticipated and this wasn’t gonna work. The funny thing with me though – this automatically relaxed me. And I hadn’t even had my first drink yet.
A bit more about this -I forgot how I can be on a date. It’s literally been years since I’ve been on anything official one would call a date. I felt slightly nervous but more annoyed and put out. I remembered my history and that I usually had a nice time but I always complained beforehand too. It’s just my way.
People would always tell me to have a better attitude cuz it’s like I was jinxing my date. This is bullshit I have found…out of sheer research and experience. If I go in with a bad attitude, that has no bearing on the outcome. When I finally sit down in front of my date, I am confronted with the fact he is also a human being capable of all the things I am. But I also can assess if this human being is something I want in my life or not.
In this case, I did not.
And I don’t feel bad about it.
What causes me to make such quick judgment? Well, when you go on enough dates, you know the ones that work and propel you forward and the ones that don’t. And while I used to feel very bad about not moving forward with a nice guy, I also realized I had no regrets when I made such a decision. Nice guy doesn’t equal Mr. Right.
I forgot so much of what I learned until I had to flex this dating muscle all over again. So if anything, I’m glad I did this. Success is measured by how you choose to view the circumstance. To me, it may not have been a love connection but I got a renewed sense of self. I know me. I know what I want. And he wasn’t it.
What was so wrong you say? It’s just a feeling. When you’re in it, you know. When you’re an outside, it’s much easier to say that the guy deserves another chance or two. But my heart isn’t in it past this one moment. And it won’t change if I have to spend more hours with him.
It’s funny too cuz in so many ways, it read as a nice date. We had barely any lulls in conversation. I didn’t really hide or smother my personality. I let my inner sailor run rampant. Practically the first words out of my mouth were – “I like brown liquor.”True story.
A friend was commiserating with me about the meh-ness of dating. She found most of her dates (blind and otherwise) were awful and just painful. Being out tonight reminded me that my experience wasn’t really that. For the most part, I went out with nice guys but they just weren’t my cup of tea. I tried my best and put my best foot forward but ultimately, they weren’t someone I wanted to share any part of my life with. It’s just something I knew in my gut and despite some naysayers, I had to trust my own instinct. And as time went on, I found myself growing more confident of my own heart. I know what I want and this isn’t it.
For the actual date itself. Well, as I said, the chatting was very consistent. Midway though the first hour and proving that New York is ultimately a small town, his co-worker walked through the door and they ended up chit chatting. She was very effusive in her praise of him and honestly, it was quite sweet. It wasn’t going to change my mind but it was kinda nice to see this man and his life in semi action.
Sometimes, being on a date can be oddly exclusive. It’s a bubble and you don’t know how the other person exists outside of it. You know they exist and they live but you don’t see how. I got a taste of how.
And as the night went on and I ingested more bourbon, I would look over at him and wonder…but each time, the same feeling came up. No.
I have to honor that.
Brass tacks. I don’t know the exact longitude and latitude of what I want but I know the general vicinity. As a human, he was very sweet, smart and kind. But as a prospect, that wasn’t enough. If I were to be brutal, I would ask this question – would you date Seinfeld? Cuz that’s a little bit of what he felt like. Not Jewish but neurotic east coast fella who by his own admission, is a bit of a hypochondriac. Oi vey.
He was only slightly older but I could also tell he wanted to settle down and was thinking very long term. I appreciated that but it had no real relevance to me since I knew our future was limited. At one point, after finding out I was from California, he remarked that he thought about moving there at some point, etc etc. This didn’t really scare me off for reasons I already said but I actually found it nice. Nice because it reminded me men still do want things I want and want to be in situations in which there would be a future.
The date lasted about 3 hours, which tends to be my average. About 90 minutes in though, I was really surprised it was only 90 min. Ended up drinking a substantial amount. Was going to stop at two drinks and call it a night but damn me and my special superpower. As I was finishing up drink #2, bartender lady decided to give me and the fella another drink on the house. Damn my superpower. Fella was surprised but to me, it’s all in a day’s work. Stick with me kid…or rather, don’t.
We ended up splitting the somewhat hefty bill. Not an issue though. I figure I wasn’t going to put out and it was only the night so fair is fair. Walked him to the subway and we parted with a hug. I have a feeling he wasn’t much of a drinker but my other superpower is making fairly non-drinkers into drunks. Yay me.
He muttered something about this being fun (to his shock I’m sure) and said that I would be hearing from him soon. In my mind, I felt like I just scored on the interview and I was going to get hired. Next step – how to gently turn down the offer.
But I’m not going to bother thinking about that until I have to. Maybe I don’t even have to.
For now, I will just take with it that the night gave me more confidence and assurance that I’m doing all the things that are right for ME. The road I travel might be a lonely one and it might not always make sense but it’s the one I choose and tonight, I’m so much more than OK with it. Hurrah!