One of my best pals recently moved back into the city. In a last minute move (it’s how we be), I showed up to his bare apt to help him gather up some toiletries and so on and so forth. It’s our lame ass tradition (me moving him in) but I was eternally grateful for the gorgeous weather. Trust me, this man manages to move on the worst weather days of the year. Blessings. Let’s count them.
So I digress. During the midst of the toiletry gathering, we naturally started to catch up on our lives. Our deal was that when he returned, we would attempt to hit the bar scene (one gay bar for him, one straight bar for me) and meet people IRL. As an attractive gay dude, he needs NO help from me but he always likes to explore options and so, why not I say? In the meantime, I get some much needed help on my end too. Now…if this transpires, I’ll let ya know but keep in mind this is a plan that has been at least a year in the making. Oh life, so much keeps happening.
Single me this. Single me that. Probably tired of my bitching, the excellent pal that he is…he offers me a challenge. He proceeds to count of the months to the end of the year and ixnays the 6 weeks before end of year as that’s holiday hell time. What did he offer? Basically, he believes the world needs another one of my lame/amusing date stories and so I have to get at least ONE date by mid-November.
And what happens if I don’t manage to land one fucking date?! Apparently my “well” will dry up. Yes, he’s definitely gay and his familiarity with the female anatomy is astounding.
Good friends that I have – they’ve all been resoundingly supportive and trust I have the ability to accomplish this. Me, I go through periods of duh, of course I can IF I actually try and OMG, how the hell do I get asked out in the real world sans inter web help! But all that aside, it’s oddly revived my spirit – now that I have a goal in mind. This is the thing about my friend and how I know that not only is he a great friend but an intuitive one. He knows I’m secretly competitive (when I’m in, I go all in – this half ass shit is for assholes) and he threatened me (look above at the well drying up). New motto – I WILL NOT DRY UP!!!
Perhaps it’s also the right time – life is all about timing, yes? Coming out of the renovation, etc., I finally am getting the oomph to go back out into the world and just have fun. Cuz yes, even though I’ll bitch and moan about dating…at the end of the day – it IS supposed to be fun. And generally, I find it IS fun even if it’s just a single date. I can turn lemonade out of lemons from most situations and who doesn’t love another silly blog post?
I put my feelers out there. Called my friends to arms (as good ol’ Liz said, “Maggie the cat is ALIVE!!!”). I’m open currently to blind dates and simply painting the town. At this point, I’m staying off the online radar as the thought of that makes me a little depressed (still). For that, I’ll give myself until the end of the year to decide whether I’ll jump back on. However, if desperate times are upon me come Nov. 14, I might have to just grab some random online fiend and hope he’s not the murdering type.
I am, in essence, putting myself out there as openly as I have SINCE I was hitting my stride online and BEFORE I got sidetracked. I am open to younger fellows (but please be of drinking age), fellas with kids, divorced dudes, etc. I won’t say I’m open to anyone with a pulse. I still have my standards but since the goal is simply to hit ONE date, well…it’s just a date. If he’s an asshole, I’ll just finish my drink, get up and leave. Or maybe I’ll throw the drink in his face and let him foot the bill. Oh dare to dream!
The not-so-secret subliminal goal of this though is simply to get me over my current hump and out of my dry spell. To remind me that life is to be lived and the way I want it. Do I still want a relationship or simply to be a cougar? Honestly, why can’t I be both? One doesn’t eliminate the other but one doesn’t necessarily include the other. I’m good with either/neither.
During these months, my mind has not really remained idle (like it ever could). I do not know if I will ever be in a solid relationship or ultimately get married. I really do want those things but I’m also not counting them to happen or bring me some perfect happiness. I like my life as it is and while it seems a little sad to think or even say, I might live out this life alone. Fuck it. I might. It’s a possibility. Just as its possible I’ll go through several more relationships or just THE ONE (dun dun dun). All possibilities are out there. And at this moment, with my current goal in mind, I’m letting go of the expectations of things and just living in the possibility of whatever is out there and also whatever is already here. It’s the healthiest attitude to have right now and one I hope to maintain for these “challenging” months.
Fears still reside in my belly and I’m working through them as they show themselves. I still retain some semblance of idealism when it comes to finding a mate. But as I say – if it’s just one date…let the fun begin.
Wish me luck cuz fuck if I know if I can actually do this. One might seem like nothing but for me, one is not always an easy number to achieve. But the drive to work is back and so I’m hoping there will be at least more than a little payoff. Let’s see what 8 weeks can bring.