So sometimes I get visits on my blog…and I get “liked”…so as a courtesy, I check out their blogs. Came across this one…or rather, she came across mine and what’s that thing about timing? Oh yes. Right time. Right place. Right state of mind.
Lately, I’ve been putting A LOT of pressure on myself – unduly so. Perhaps because I feel like a rotten asshole and will be single forever. That I’m unwanted, undesired and just…UN.
It’s not the case but we all have days, weeks, months we feel that way. Alas…I’m in the midst of it. What I need is a good cry. What I need is a game plan…
Game plans don’t generally work for me but I like having goals. It’s a focus. A distraction. But I digress…
The lady's blog had an interesting premise – she would basically be single (by choice) for 1000 days. No kissing, flirting, dating or sex. She lays our her reasons and they are her own but the lady just needs to get her shit straight so she can move forward and this is how she chooses to do that.
Quite honestly, there’s NO WAY I will pledge 1000 days BUT…I can do a week then go from there. It isn’t so much that I want to remain single – I don’t – it’s just that I’m making myself feel like shit because I am. And it’s pointless.
So, taking the lead from this lady blogger's manifesto, I’m going to try to ease up and not think so hard about…all of this. That I’m not in competition. That I have no control. That I need to enjoy my life for what it is and let the cards fall where they may.
Now, I know me. I will always worry and wonder and hope. I will always be seeking. It’s inevitable. But the wanting…it needs to take a cold shower. It needs to calm down.
I’m down to my bone and in need of a serious sob (that just won’t come…for some fucking reason) so…this is the choice I am making today. To just be. Gah.
I hope this doesn’t suck.